Saturday, September 27, 2008

Smoking Dreams

I've been dreaming all week that I've started smoking again. I wake up feeling crushed, and can't believe that I fell & have to go through all that suffering again. But I also dreamt that I had great hair, fabulous hair even, and I think: how is that possible, when I cut my own hair in the mirror? And that's how I realize I've been dreaming.

I don't even feel any cravings or temptations during my waking hours. It's nine months since I quit for real, and six months since I cheated. And I'm feeling great, though my cardio still isn't normal. We did one-man outrigger time trials this morning, and I was like the little duckling waddling behind the pack. Everyone came in around 30 minutes, give or take a minute. Then there was P. at 35, and me at 36 minutes. Yikes. For our 3.2 mile run I was 39 minutes; I think the rest of `em have been under 30 so far. I've gotten big since I quit, in a good way, but I think people look at me now and think that I am in far better shape than I actually am.

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