North Shore

Well ... I didn't get too far with the home makeover this week. I was planning, per Gary, on clearing the shelves and walls of everything non-essential, and then taking a minimalist approach to starting over.

We both forgot that nature abhors a vacuum. I would clear a space, and it would magically be filled by more junk. It would just happen. This is going to be a bigger battle than I thought.

Part of the problem was, I was trying to dosome prep-cooking for the weekend. I'm heading up to Pupukea with the surf gang tonight, and I offered to cook from Sat to Sun morning. I thought I had laid out a rational plan of attack, but I grossly misjudged the amounts. I wanted to do a gumbo, and picked up some sausages and ducks. I did it in true hunter style - I made a stock out of the back bones, and rendered fat from the skin to make my roux. I thickened the stock with the livers and lots of okra.

In the end, I destroyed my kitchen ... and produced enough gumbo for a small army. I had to pull the restaurant stock pot off the back shelf for this one. I froze half of it, and still have enough for fifteen to twenty guys.

I also made more tiki syrups to bring up, for sunset mai tais on Saturday and prosecco drinks on Sunday morning. Tonight, while up there, I'll mix up the starter for the bread. I intend to feed my boys properly. The full menu:

Sat Morning: Chorizo con papas, tortillas, fruit salad
Sat Afternoon: Whatever
Sunset: Mai tais, cheese, olives, bruschetta, crackers
Dinner: Gumbo, creamed corn, watermelon and feta salad, tomato salad, fresh bread
Sun Morning: Eggs with cheese, bread, homemade pate, prosecco

It didn't seem that ambitious, until I actually got down to the shopping and prepping. The shopping, prepping, and cleaning up took up three pretty full evenings. Good think I do this for love and not money.

First Step on the Interior Makeover

Here we go ... tonight I start working on the inside of the house. Per my Cyber Eye:

sorry for the delay, we'll aim to get the inside in better shape by your party (it won't be done, but it'll look a whole shitload better, k?).

here's some initial feedback for you to start:

we need to see what all you have collected to figure out what's great, what's not so great and what's important to you and what's not. we also need to clear spaces so that we can see more of the "bones" of the rooms.

remember what you said about there being a lot of space in the laundry room? maybe even in that passage under the house...as long as it's dry and protected from the rain? well, we'll need to use some of that temporarily while we sort stuff out.

i'll want to move your table and chairs from where they are in the kitchen so we can use that space for you to take photos (neutral background). then i want you to get anything that you have decoration wise within a specific theme and put them there so we can photograph them.

for instance, easy first theme: mardi gras. get everything you have with that theme, put them on the floor in the kitchen or lean against that wall and photograph them. then i'm going to want you store them away in the laundry room or in the passage way, out of the way. put em in grocery bags and keep them compact so you don't take up too much room.

next theme: micronesian stuff. that can be wall art, stuff in the cubby holes, textiles, shells, whatever, photo them then store in the laundry room.

other themes? HATS, family mementos, photos of friends, turkish, indian, greek, hawaiian, surfing, etc.

the end result of this exercise is that you should have walls with nothing on them and shelves with no decorations. temporarily.

(leave all essential items in place...kitchen stuff, tv, audio, books, cds, computer...).

call me to discuss before you get started so i can reassure you. g

Cyber Eye: Pretty on the outside, Tragic on the inside

I finally posted indoor "before" pics on Photobucket.

There's something about seeing things through the cold clear eye of the camera lens that forces you to say, yeah, I need help.

weekLet's start with the fun outside stuff. I moved the driftwood from the sidewalk and put it near the koi pond, by the steps, and then decorated it with the bromeliads and tillsandia I'd rescued last from the wreath. I really like how this worked out.

I also set the lauwa`i free. I made a rock wall to keep in the dirt, then dumped it out and spread the ferns around. They'd have escaped anyway, and now they're closer to the ground and I can still see my fishies.

The sage wasn't happy in the duck pot, so I put him back in the ground and gave the duck a tillsandia. I put this and the rabbit pots up behind the wood barrels.

OK, then it was time to look inside. The complete set of pics is at photobucket. Here's a sampler, G. Let me know if you need close-ups or measurements of anything

Going clockwise: Entry into the heart of darkness, a lonely bed, a functional kitchen, a shrine in the bathroom, and Cafe MC.

Yes, I know how wrong some of this is

Cyber Eye: The Bromeliad Rescue Society

gary said...

great job bucko!

it all looks good and no biggie about the donkey tail...you can either leave it as is or there's plan B...

Plan B: instead of trying to work the hina hina in to plug the hole, try laying some really long strands on top of the whole thing and drape it over the donkey tail...see how the hina hina's hanging down/growing over the other side of the basket? not too thick...you want the donkey tail underneath to still get the light.

Hey buddy! For now ... I think I better leave these guys alone. They might not survive a Plan B from me.

the lauwa'i around the pond looks great. if they escape onto the ground, that's fine. at least it doesn't look like an above ground pool in san bernardino anymore...lol.

And you know, I had to look up San Bernardino on Wikipedia to understand the connotations here.

the wreaths as they are? sorry, there is no way to work those into a tropical garden.

you know what we do? gently take all of the bromeliads off of the wreaths and put them to the side in groups...all the similar

ones together. take a picture of them for me.

Check. and ... those poor bromeliads. G, they did not look good. Only the ones that looked like mini-silverswords had any root structure at all. Most were dry and brittle and bravely hanging on. I even found a few carcasses mingled among the survivors.

I don't know if this is because they weren't watered [although the hina looked healthy and it came from the same yard] or because the twigs don't provide a healthy growing environment.

we'll try this: make one cut on each wreath, then see if you can twist the wreaths into two much smaller ones...sort of like twisting a two stranded circular braid...try to get em each about 12" to 15" across...i think if you got some wire or something you could tie the ends together somehow...tie em in the back so you won't see the wire.

The twigs are tough but not very pliant. I think I'd have to soak it awhile, or completely reweave them, to get one down to 12".

if you do that, we could probably fill each wreath full with the bromeliads that look sparce on them now and then i think they'd both fit onto the storage closet gate next to the orchid ladder, one over the other.

once you get em smaller, take a picture with them hanging on the storage gate so i can see if the scale is right, k?

then we'll tackle how to arrange the bromeliads on the wreaths. i guess you're gonna get your year round christmas decorations after all!

g

I haven't tried to reweave the wreaths yet, 'cause I'm not sure this is a nice thing to do to helpless little bromie-keiki. I'll reweave the wreaths if you still think there's a use, but I'm thinking the bromeliads will either need help surviving on the wreath, or a new home.

I've had this piece of driftwood out in the yard for awhile [let's see if they have these in San Bernardino] .. think it'll work as a home for the orphans?

Eye 3 - Garden Work

Some people can put a rock in their yard & it looks perfect, as if that is exactly where that rock was meant to be. I put a rock in the garden, and people say hey dude, why is there a rock in your yard?

I spent Sunday afternoon, playing in the mud. It's mostly good. Here's the results:

Gary: the orchids on the ladder... scrounge around for clay pots around the yard to put the plastic ones in...it'll look more uniform.

Check. That was easy!

you need to put some stuff around the edge of your koi pond that's not under the tree so the edge "disappears"...see what we did with the pond under the tree...most of the edge is camouflaged by plants?

i want you to get some of those one gallon black plastic pots (smallest size of the pots the anthuriums are in)...maybe about 7 or 8 of them... and maybe 3 that are the size of the anthurium pots... dig up lauwa'i in the yard by that big rock and put em in those pots.

This is where it got tricky. The lauwai send of leaves from shallow runners, and I broke a lot of them trying to get them into pots. I did place them around the pond, and then tried to hide the pots with rocks. My first attempt lacked a certain grace.

Translation: it didn't look like a rock garden, it looked like earthquake damage. My instinct was to say, it'll grow in and move on, but I kept playing with it until it looked casually natural.

Although there is no way these boys are going to stay in their pots! I can already see them plotting their escape. I'm cool with that.

we forgot to plant something in that little duck next to the water plant...look for something in your yard that'll stay really small..

The ducky got a variegated sage that had been suffering underneath the rosemary.

the hina hina that's on the branch next to the donkey tail? push the left side of it only (over toward the right side about 8 inches...squish it). you want that to be more asymmetrical between the staghorn, donkey tail and hina hina...right now the hina hina looks like laundry on a clothes line...not so natural...

Ooh. This is where my skills failed me. I was trying to drape the hina hina, but was destroying the pony tail in the process. I managed to get a few strands of hina to stick, but they fell off when I watered. Aye. I did push the clump around to make it look assymetrical. Pushing I can do, and assymetry comes easy.

And David just brought these by, the last refugees from Tom's place: two wreaths with bromeliad keiki woven in. Any suggestions?

Eye 2

And the Garden Master writes:

ok buddy, this is your idea!

looked at the pics of what we did last sunday. here's some suggested improvements...

1) the donkey tail...see that bare patch on the lower left? take some hina hina from a big clump somewhere else in the tree and hang it that gap so it looks fuller. you wrap the hina hina gently around the donkey tail and through em so the tails don't break...

2) the hina hina that's on the branch next to the donkey tail? push the left side of it only (over toward the right side about 8 inches...squish it). you want that to be more asymmetrical between the staghorn, donkey tail and hina hina...right now the hina hina looks like laundry on a clothes line...not so natural...

3) you need to put some stuff around the edge of your koi pond that's not under the tree so the edge "disappears"...see what we did with the pond under the tree...most of the edge is camouflaged by plants?

i want you to get some of those one gallon black plastic pots (smallest size of the pots the anthuriums are in)...maybe about 7 or 8 of them... and maybe 3 that are the size of the anthurium pots...and get a 2 cu. ft. bag of potting soil.

dig up lauwa'i in the yard by that big rock and put em in those pots.

if you've got any ferns other than lauwa'i in the yard...plant some of those, too.

4) the orchids on the ladder... scrounge around for clay pots around the yard to put the plastic ones in...it'll look more uniform.

5) we forgot to plant something in that little duck next to the water plant...look for something in your yard that'll stay really small...maybe some keiki bromeliads with very small leaves?

there you go...let me know if you have any questions. g

First, Thanks, buddy! It all sounds easy so far.

And now I'm off to play in the yard ... pics to follow!


oh crap, i forgot...

6) ah...i missed the christmas lights over your window...take em down 'til christmas...



Heh heh. I thought those had slipped by you. I was going to argue that Christmas lights in summer was part of my culture ... but I'd be lying.

Cyber Eye 1

Go to the bar and look at 'em. They come in all shapes and sizes. You think you can pick out gay men on the street, but you can't. Most only stand out if they choose to stand out.

But once inside they cannot hide. I'm convinced that there is some undiscovered interior-design gene that is strongly correlated with male homosexuality. I don't care if they are a doctor or a trucker, it's all the same. They may be butch in the streets, but they are sweet in their sheets of ten-million count Egyptian cotton. There's no dust on the mantle and no clutter under the bed and every piece of furniture is perfectly arranged with the mad Zen-like precision of an Ikebana master.

But no system is fool-proof. You can't always tell if a man is gay by his house, because some of us are missing that gene. There's not many, to be sure, but we're here. And I know who you are ... hell, I've dated most of you .... but don't worry, I won't out you. I'm one of you - I have all the design skills of a 23-year old straight boy.

Those days might be over. I'm getting help with a makeover, and we'll do it [almost] Live and Online.

Here's the story: I meet Gary over a week ago. Come Sunday, I agreed to help him in his mother's yard in the morning, and he agreed to come over and help me arrange some plants in the afternoon. I had already adopted a lot of rare and beautiful bromeliads from David and Roger when they moved further out into suburbia. Then, just that Saturday, I inherited lots of hina hina, staghorn fern, orchids, and other various plants from Tom, who's moving to Arizona. I needed to get them set before they weekend.

So Sunday morning I dug holes for his mom. Easy. Simple. Ooo-rah work. I could handle. Then we went to my place ... and Gary revealed his skills. He went to the junk corner of my garden, all weeds and catshit and mud. I told him there was nothing there of interest. He announced that, in that case, he was going to make it the focal point.

I went inside and poured some drink. What else was there to do? I got out the shears to help him, but he stopped me and made me put them back. He wasn't going to allow any cutting.

Now. My favorite gardening tool is my machete. I sharpen it and oil it and go to war with the jungle that is my yard. I don't know how to garden without cutting. I mean, chopping things down is half the fun. But today we weren't going to chop, and I entered some new territory. I helped for awhile, and then just went inside and cooked dinner.

A few hours later he had taken my junk and turned it into this:

There's a complete set of pictures on my Photobucket Site (or just follow the photos link below my pic). I've got the work Gary did, although I'm missing details on the orchids, rocks, and bromeliads. I also posted some before pictures of the rest of the yard ... because Gary is on a roll. I mean, he was starting to feng shui and bedazzle my study.

I'm down with that. The only problem is, he's back across the ocean now. Which, as I've noted before, ptooey.

So we'll do it online. Here's the plan: I'll post pics, he'll offer the design, I'll get to work ... and we'll do it all here and in the public eye.

It'll be fun - so stay tuned! I'll get some interior shots posted tomorrow.

New Pics - and a New Plan

I'm finally caught up with my pics! I just posted all the pics from Beth and Ron's wedding. Some are good & I'm really happy with them. Some are god awful, and I'm quite happy with those too.

Somehow I ended up with lots of pics of people I don't know, yet only one of my brother Jim and Uncle Bob, and only two or three of my Dad. I'm not sure how that happened. I think they were hiding from the camera.

I posted some more pics in 2006 Random also - mostly shots from Atlanta and DC.

And I've got a new plan for the Blog - Gary is going to help me do a home makeover, and we'll be doing it on-line. I've got zero interior design skills, so he's going to be my queer eye. This weekend I'll post some pics of the amazing job he did in my garden. Then I'll start posting pics of my studio, and he'll direct me on what I need to do to make it work. It'll be an adventure, so turn off the HGTV and stay tuned!