Waiting for the Rush

This morning marks ten days of no smokes. Any day now I should be getting the rush I get from actually kicking the habit for any length of time.

So yeah, I never managed to quit completely during racing season. I'd stop for a couple weeks, then smoke Sundays, then maybe also Mondays, but always stop a few days before a big race or practice. And then during the holidays I didn't even try to cut back, I just puffed away full force. Ditto in Egypt.

So this is usually the process: I look and feel like hell for a week. Then, as my system starts to clean itself out, I get sick. This time I really do have bronchitis, but it's compounded by nicotine withdrawal. I look in the mirror, and I look older. And then the healing finally starts. I get a rush of energy. I work out harder at the gym. My face looks younger (nicotine destroys collagen). I sleep better, and so feel more alert. I get super energetic. I feel more social.

It's almost as if I'm addicted to quitting.

But the days until I get the good feelings seem to take longer each year, and here it is ten days and I'm still waiting for the rush.

Then, of course, there will be the crash. Give that another two or three weeks. That'll be the real danger point for picking them up again.