Tuesday, January 16, 2007

MC vs. Britney

It's a toss-up on who had the better weekend, me or Britney.
(and thanks to BodogBeat for posting Ms. Spear's schedule)

The Arrival

12AM Sunday: Britney roars into Vegas and she drops in unexpectedly at the Rio for Prince’s midnight show. She arrives with a partying posse of 20 friends, including her new boyfriend, Isaac Cohen, a model/actor who could be mistaken as a semi look-alike for her former hubby Kevin Federline.

10PM Friday: MC rolls into Mo`ili`ili and drops in unexpectedly at Chiko's for karaoke night. His posse includes internet date V, a professional dancer from Baltimore; Fatima, a Samoan girl by way of Long Beach who insists that she's ghetto; and some drunk guy who we did our best to ignore.

Britney 1, MC 0. I should have roared into Mo`ili`ili.

Let's Get This Party Started

2AM Sunday: Britney leads her group, including her male dancers, into the gay nightclub 8 1/2 for the shocking and scandalous out-of-control HustlaBall, the official gay after-party of the Adult Video Sexpo, which ended its 4-day Vegas convention on Saturday night. She has a gay old time dancing and smoking the night away

8PM Saturday: MC joins the Gay Surf Posse for quiche, cosmos, and surf videos.

Britney 2, MC 0. It was a non-smoking apartment.

And on the third day ...

3AM Sunday: Britney decides its time to move on from her 3rd consecutive night of gay-club partying.

10PM Saturday: MC meets L, a shrink from San Francisco, at Hula's for his 3rd consecutive night of gay-bar hopping.

Britney 2, MC 1. He finally scores.

... they rose again.

Pre-dawn Sunday: Britney checks into the $40,000-a-night, Hugh Hefner penthouse suite at the Palms Fantasy Tower to re-charge her batteries, but by Sunday afternoon she’s restless for another night crawl.

Pre-dawn Sunday: MC wakes to hear the surf crashing outside the window & though he promised to cuddle he's just not feeling it this morning. Besides: surf's up.

Britney 2, MC 2. I got a better view for 0.25% of the price. Not that I paid for any of it.

The Final Countdown

9PM Sunday: Britney readies for another night on the town and leaves the Palms for dinner at Social House in Treasure Island. This is where she reportedly consumed several sake shots on New Years Eve.

5PM Sunday: MC takes disco naps and skips dinner in anticipation of a long night.

Britney 3, MC 2. A true pro always returns to the scene of the crime.

The Sexy Erotic Edge

10:30PM Sunday: Britney and her posse decided to see Cirque du Soleil’s sexy, push the erotic edge of the exotic envelope Zumanity at the New York-New York resort casino.

11:30PM Sunday: MC joins his posse at Lotus, where Derek Daniel's Resolution is in full swing - and where Kama pushes the erotic edge by performing And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going in full drag while balancing on a step-ladder.

Britney 3, MC 3. Cirque du Soleil hasn't pushed any envelopes in years.

Keep on Dancing

12:30AM Monday: Next stop is the Coyote Ugly Bar in NY-NY. This is where the Coyote cocktail servers dance on the bar and pour shots directly into customer’s throats and encouraging the girls to join them for the bar-top gyrations. Luxe Life is still checking to see if Britney joined in!

2:30AM Monday: The club space was great, but the crowd at Lotus never reaches critical mass. Only a few of the old guard ever show. His posse is scattered and gone & there is little love and little brotherhood left on the dancefloor, and so MC heads alone into the night.

Britney 4, MC 3. Amateurs. This town is dead to me.

Dead, I Say!

1:15AM Monday: No letting up now on this morning’s schedule and Britney heads for PURE nightclub where she has the same VIP cabana bed she passed out on January 1 at 12:50AM!! So at least she’s awake longer this time around!!

4:00AM Monday: MC knows his mojo is busted & the weekend is officially over when he fails to find anything at Fusion's sidewalk sale.

Britney 5, MC 3. Is it still a walk of shame if you never did anything?

Final Credits

MC bikes to the beach, decides the sun is too oppressive, and hides out in Starbucks. No points. It looks like a loss. But in a suprise news flash, the wires report that Britney ended the weekend by - deus ex machina! - projectile vomitting on her new boyfriend. Minus two points for being sloppy, giving us a final score of ...

Britney 3, MC 3

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