Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Dispatches from Another Planet

The truth is, I had no idea who Star Jones was before she was fired from her tv show. It's probably a good thing, because I only have so much hate in my heart and I'm saving it all for the White House.

Oh, but apparently I was missing out. This is from the official amazon.com review of her book Shine: A Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love . As far as I can tell the review is not a satire.

Or rather, it wasn't intended to be a satire. Personally, I'm viewing it as a piece of found poetry. I've added six ellipses and rearranged the spacing, otherwise, this is it, verbatim.

Star Jones Reynolds had done it all.

College on scholarship,

law school on loans,

and life by faith.

Then why was she feeling so down?

It all began when Star took a close look

at herself

and her life

and realized she wasn't happy with what she saw:

obesity precluded her from crossing her legs,

she needed an asthma inhaler,

she couldn't fasten her own necklace,

and, worst of all,

she got too tired to shop – a disaster

because Star Jones Reynolds is

a seriously committed shopper.

Then she realized something else:

with all her extraordinary accomplishments,

none of it mattered

without true love.

Star decided to make it happen.

She began a personal journey to reconstitute

her physical look,

emotional state,

and already strong


Unless you live on another planet,

you know

Star succeeded in her quest

and did find true love

-- and it wasn't that hard at all.

In Shine, she shares it all

in her wise,



laugh-out-loud style.

Part One guides women

toward being their most attractive

physical selves

using Star's personal secrets on

losing weight and

finding hair,

fashion, and

makeup chic


Part Two asks tough questions

about emotional preparedness

for a relationship and

shows you how to




Part Three delves into a woman's spiritual life –

discover how to




no matter what your religion.

Everyone knows

Star Jones Reynolds is a success story,

a happy,

rough-edges-to-emotional-and-financial-riches tale.

Until you read this book,

you won't know how she got there

-- and how you can echo her triumphs

and shine.

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