Oh, but apparently I was missing out. This is from the official amazon.com review of her book Shine: A Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Journey to Finding Love . As far as I can tell the review is not a satire.
Or rather, it wasn't intended to be a satire. Personally, I'm viewing it as a piece of found poetry. I've added six ellipses and rearranged the spacing, otherwise, this is it, verbatim.
Star Jones Reynolds had done it all.
College on scholarship,
law school on loans,
and life by faith.
Then why was she feeling so down?
It all began when Star took a close look
and her life
and realized she wasn't happy with what she saw:
obesity precluded her from crossing her legs,
she needed an asthma inhaler,
she couldn't fasten her own necklace,
and, worst of all,
she got too tired to shop – a disaster
because Star Jones Reynolds is
a seriously committed shopper.
Then she realized something else:
with all her extraordinary accomplishments,
none of it mattered
without true love.
Star decided to make it happen.
She began a personal journey to reconstitute
her physical look,
and already strong
Unless you live on another planet,
Star succeeded in her quest
and did find true love
-- and it wasn't that hard at all.
In Shine, she shares it all
in her wise,
Part One guides women
toward being their most attractive
using Star's personal secrets on
losing weight and
Part Two asks tough questions
about emotional preparedness
for a relationship and
shows you how to
Part Three delves into a woman's spiritual life –
discover how to
no matter what your religion.
Star Jones Reynolds is a success story,
Until you read this book,
you won't know how she got there
-- and how you can echo her triumphs