Monday, September 03, 2007

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

A. was back in town this weekend, looking better than ever. We spent a lot of time together. And the gods of irony raised their ugly and malicious heads, again. It was like this: I broke up with A. I drew the boundaries so that I would be able to move on. And somehow it didn't work that way. He moved on. I fall almost every time we meet back up again. Sometimes hard, sometimes softly. I'd fully intended to spell out how I felt this time, but I didn't. Again. As usual, he has a boyfriend back in SF. So we flirted, I made a half-hearted approach, was warned off, and I backed off. These were the lines that I originally drew ... but damn. I fucked up.

And the bars and clubs were empty, and the beach was full of couples, and no one interesting is online ... this is a rough town to be single in these days. I do all right when I keep busy, and don't have time to worry about being single, but I guess I was hoping for more from a 3-day holiday weekend. There wasn't even any failed potential. This weekend was Dry.

It was good otherwise, to be sure. Paddled hard and long on Saturday, did a one-man run with Scott and Roz on Sunday, and went surfing at White Plains with Jake, Roz, and James this morning. The waves were good - fast and decently sized. I got some fun rides, but then my elbow started really, really hurting. Napped each afternoon. Hung out with Nino in the evening. Saturday we had drinks. Yesterday we had dinner at Tim and Brians. Tonight went to Hula's with Curt.

All good and pleasant. It really was a nice weekend. I don't have any real excuse for being kind of down right now, except for my age-old problem - I always want more.

edited to add: I'm such a dip. I smoked last weekend. I'm guaranteed to get the blues seven days on. Every damn time. One day I'll learn, and be prepared for it.

edited again: So it wasn't totally dry at the end. K. came through with a hail-mary phone call at 10pm ... and all was right with the universe for a little while. Sometimes I wonder if all men are this simple, that this is all it takes to drive the blues away.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

at least ur not in old town here- alaulapua