Friday, March 02, 2007

Master Cleanse, Day 1, 9am: Senna Dreams

I am a tube.

The senna tea had zero effect on my GI system. I went to bed with all systems normal. Then the dreams started. It was a night of non-stop, vivid vignettes with fully rounded characters and more life lessons per minute than a Hallmark Thanksgiving Special, interspersed with occasional mini-dreams about poop and / or couscous. I need to find out what's in that tea.

I hauled myself out of bed at 6:30 and made the Salt Water Flush - 16 ounces of water (four cups) with 2 tsp salt in it. It was rough, although it did what it was supposed to do: it flushed. And flushed. And flushed.

I am now very, very clean.

After an hour of that nonsense I figured I was ready for my first cup of The Liquid. I chose molasses. I chose poorly. It was vile, and it wouldn't stay down. I almost threw up, but eventually my stomach settled down. Five minutes later it shot out my ass with projectile force.

I took another sip. It shot right through. Tomorrow I need to time this, and figure out the relative velocity of liquid through the tube that is me. I finally gave up, and headed to work.

I was light-headed on the bike ride in. Not in a psychosomatic way, either. It was more in a post-up still feeling the anesthesia way.

We'll see what the day brings.

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